In today’s post, I would like to talk a little bit about relationships. The Internet is filled to the brim with cliché lists and articles describing how to know if you are in love or how to recognise that the person you are dating is right for you. While it may seem like I am jumping on the bandwagon with this new post, I would like to offer my unique perspective on this topic. Here is a list of three uncommon signs that the person you are romantically interested in is meant to stay in your life for longer or that they have a capacity to positively transform your life. It does not mean that he or she will become your life-long partner, however. When you read my words, you may want to consider listening to the song below:
When you discuss with them your childhood wounds, they approach your problems with both gentleness and firmness. It means that they balance understanding and kindness with a rational, future-oriented outlook. They are neither judgmental nor undiscriminating or blind to your flaws. They do not attempt to fix you, yet they nourish your healthy sides so that you can discover your hidden strengths. If you are in a wonderful relationship, you may hear something like that:
I am sorry that you went through this terrible experience. I can totally understand how the trauma has influenced the way you behave and think. It is an unfortunate thing and I know that it is not easy for you to deal with it. That being the case, I believe that you are not defined and conditioned by your past experiences. I am aware of your weaknesses, but a part of you is incredibly strong, healthy, and beautiful. I want to nourish your healthy side, so that you can find enough confidence for change and improvement in the less ideal areas of your life.
You become more independent and comfortable with being on your own. You do not wrap your identity around your partner. In fact, interactions with your significant other encourage you to spend more time on discovering your own identity. Many people who are in love report that they cannot live without each other. They experience feelings of distress, anxiety, and loneliness whenever they are not together (either physically or virtually). While separation is often undesirable, our culture romanticises it to an unhealthy degree. Don’t get me wrong, it is wonderful to interact with your loved one and derive some additional strength and encouragement from him or her. Moreover, everyone is different and has different needs or preferences.
However, an individual in a healthy relationship should never be entirely dependent on the supportive presence of their partner. Forgive my typical Capricornian musings, but is it not unwise to be overly attached to something that is mortal and impermanent? If you are with someone who really loves you and encourages you to be the best version of yourself, it is impossible not to love yourself more with time and embrace moments of healthy solitude. In less ideal, possibly co-dependent relationships, an insecure person might be overly concerned with searching for the missing parts of themselves. However, we must remember that relationships can be fulfilling only to a certain degree, after which we need to find security and strength within ourselves.
Your ego shrinks. Yes, you feel wonderful when your significant other validates you. Yet at the same time you feel as if he or she has reached the deepest core of your being where you feel most vulnerable. You begin to feel ashamed of yourself (as if you were an utter fool), but the comforting presence and reassurance of your loved one makes this process gentler and less severe. Instead of being defensive, you accept your imperfections with humility. Arrogance, selfishness, and anger diminish. They may not disappear completely, but you will feel an inexpressible lightness of heart. If your innermost core has been touched and healed, this is the sign you’ve met the right person.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. If you have anything to add, please feel free to leave a comment below.